One of the worst problems facing victims today is that they continually feed on negativity and concurrently wonder why they feel so bad about themselves.
My wife for instance. Has a giant problem with money. She gets her self in so deep that if I didn't have some credit we would be bankrupt. She buys, owes debt, feels bad, buys, becomes indebted, feels bad hates herself.
If I get mad about it she, calls a friend and wines about me getting mad, but doesn't tell them that I am mad about her spending habits, which thankfully because I have isolated her from the primary bills we would be bankrupt but instead only she is bankrupt. Undeclared but bankrupt.
Her friend feeds her instability by telling her what a monster I am, and why is she still with me. So last year she got into one of those online dating sites, and I found out that she was going out I kicked her out.
3 months later she comes back for a visit and she looked like hell. (The grass is not greener on the other side of the fence). So because God wanted me to I took her back.
She gets back here and goes right back to the same pattern she was in before. Mindlessly. I get mad and lecture her once again on the efficacy of good spending habits. She wines to a girlfriend who again supports the negative side of her issues without knowing that if I did not exert some control over the finances we would be out on the street.
You know that behavior on her part is as self destructive and as destructive on our marriage and relationship as being an alcoholic.
Part of the solution for her is to not feed herself with the negative things that lead to her depression. And feed herself with the things that don't necessarily make her feel good at the moment, but with things that will build in her self good things, like self control.
More on this later. I gotta go tell her once again that she has to be more positive and to starve the parts of her that seek after the pleasures in life.
6/28/07 9am
Ok I am back to this.
When a person has been victimized they will do anything in their power to not be revictimized. And once they decide on something they may become obsessed with it and to break that obsession becomes near impossible. God understands this and is one of the reasons that God plainly forgives men of their sin. He only requires one thing of us in return. that we plainly forgive others of their transgressions against us. Jesus teaches us this by the Lords prayer. forgive us our debts as we forgive others.
The Jesus teaches us to admit our sin to God and man. Jesus is telling us to open our selves up and to ask for forgiveness, and to repent, that is to change ones mind. Funny thing about changing ones mind about a sin that we do. We may not immediately change the doing of it. It is like my cussing. If I am not mindful of it continuously I will cuss and by the holy spirit immediately feel guilty. So once again I make my mind up to not cuss and then I get to talking and as almost any subject will do for me I get animated and like a rocket there I go blurp out comes a cuss word or two. this has been a life long struggle for me. I could have the excuse that my dad was a sailor and sailors have the stereotype of have a blue tongue. And my dad definitely had a blue tongue. Now you could have never met a more graceful man than my dad. He was incredibly strong in so many ways and smart and I always felt very safe when he was around but that tongue. He was incredibly creative with the cussing. but you see I am a man now in charge so to speak of my own life. And I am supposed to be in control of me but in the area of cussing if I am not thinking and just reacting brrrrp out they come. Paul the great apostle said it this way. doing the things I ought not and the things I should do I don't.
Does this mean that we are to continue in our sin. NO! We have an out. Whenever I become so consternated in my sin, I have been able to say these words. God I don't know how. God will smile on you and change you. It is at the moment you admit your weakness to God; that and the recognition of his works in you that you find that your greatest strength lay not in your weakness but in your admission of weakness to God. The world may say that this is weakness but it is not, it is our greatest strength.
I speak of these things not from a perspective of exterior study like many a social scientist but from the position of one who has experience.
I know whence I speak of the prowess of our Lord
You see......I am a victim. And I am healed.
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