Suicidal

HO-Kay. My wife tells me last night that she has been having thoughts of suicide.

I unloaded the 12 gage and hid it and all the ammo I could find. As soon as I can find the case for it I am going to lock it up in storage.

The last thing I want to walk into....is finding her like that.

And that is another thing I need to list in the previous entry concerning bi-polar disease.

Insane

Bi-Polar disease is a form of insanity and my wife is insane. There is absolutely no way in earth to cure this disease and the psychiatric community only knows how to mask the symptoms.
It upsets me to realize that the last two wives both have the disease.

Some of the outward symptoms are

Inability to prioritize,
Inability to make decisions,
Destructive behavior patterns,
Inability to keep a job,

Inability to manage money,
Destructivly obsessive traits,
Destructive compulsive traits,
Suicidal tendencies,

My personal experience with these people who have this disease is that they are paranoid, fearful, pathological liars, manipulative, controlling vindictive and vengeful along with a plethora of other problems. They cannot be reasoned with in any way. Once they have their minds made up they will do whatever they have decided no matter the consequences.

For instance Karen decided to keep the household income to her self thinking that section 8 housing would be instantly available in spite of the fact that we could have been evicted in 30 days from our home and she would have ended up in a homeless shelter.

Karen has told me that she knows that she has these problems and has prayed about them to Jesus often but it take Faith that these things will be overcome both in effort by oneself and that God will be there to strengthen you in the matter. She does not have the faith to go along with the prayers. No faith, no answers to prayer. She is praying faithless prayers or worse, making prayers that she does not want answered, a trait that may make Jesus mad. Not a good thing to do. I know just ask me.

I can't take her out there with me because her commitment to Jesus is far less than is needed to just jaunt off and do something for Jesus such as maybe help build a home with habitat for humanity or serve up free hot dogs on the freeway. It takes a measure of faith to just put yourself in a position when you may not know where your next meal is coming from. Faith that at this time she doesn't have. We could get out there with meager resources and she could have one of her patent panic attacks and burn up what little money we had just to get her someplace she would feel safe.

She doesn't realize that it is the Holy spirit convicting her of her sins and instead is writing her guilt off as depression.

Most of them have been victimized.

There is a cure though.

Jesus Christ.

Wifes getting cold feet

She is worried about her dog.

I told her she is putting her dog before Jesus and how was she going to answer for that in that day.

No Smell

None yesterday either.

I am astonished

I told my wife that I was not going to be staying here after she left.
I'm movin on. I'll soon be gone.( Old Hank Snow song)

Jesus says.

Mat 19:29

And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life.

For those of you who have not done such a thing as this or think it is foolhardy. Don't be a writin it off as some kind of mid-life crises. I have done this before, ten years ago, living mostly out of my car for 14 months before God stilled me. I am fully aware of the choice that I make. I do this because this is what is in my heart to do and for no other reason. I am not completely animated; that is, I am not truly living unless I am talking about God, Jesus, and His Kingdom of Love, Light, Joy, and Peace. I have to do this or I die inside no less. The worst is I start to look like I am dieing on the outside, like some kind of death warmed over. You know.........like the pictures in my archives.

I think that in a couple of days that my Internet service will be cut so just in case I don't find my way back to the Blogosphere..............It's been real.

God Bless and remember,

God is always in total control so don't sweat it.

No Smell

Something unexpected

Something New and unexpected.

Karen has committed to go with me.

I can not turn down the request of another to serve God.

No matter what I think of what Karen or any of the things she has done all of those things are set aside and must be forgotten.

I Love Jesus and I Will forgive.

I am grateful because I will not be going alone.

I know that what we are about to do is unorthodox if thought of in today's concerns about preparations that we think we need to make but then the apostles went out in their day similarly unprepared. They went out knowing that the way was already made.

We go out knowing that the way is already made.

No stink today

The yellow light is now on!!!!

Last night at about midnight I turned the TV off and as I went around the house turning off lights preparing to go to bed, I noticed that the TV was still on in my wife's bedroom the door was cracked and so I peeked in. She was sleeping so I snuck in and turned the TV off. I stopped in my tracks because of the smell.
THERE IT WAS. That freaking smell of what I think is dope. In particular CRACK.

Between the time I had been in there; 8-9 o'clock (no smell)and the time I had turned off the TV(smell) she done something.

I would be willing to bet that if I had the sheriff bring the drug dogs in here I might get some satisfaction in seeing her out of here in cuffs or would I? No matter how mad I am at the prospect I still have not directly observed the miss deed and then there is the hard choice to have someone whom I have considered beloved even if it is in the past. So I will wait until I have absolute confirmation lest I do something undeniably stupid. After all there could be some completely logical explanation.

Of course after the way that this same dept. treated me last week I don't know if I trust them so maybe I should take it to the next couple of levels. Do a little bypass and some sideways movement to get some honest cops in here to nab her. But you and I will have to wait. Have to.

Civilization

To be edited.


Civilisation is not dependant upon the law.

All nations have laws and some of them enforce their laws upon penalty of death even for the most minor infraction. Unfortunately that does not guarantee civilized behavior. In fact the truth is that most of the time that type of enforcement leads to de-civilisation.

The people of a nation will do what the example of the government and the courts so set.
The United States is no different. The United states is not heading towards a more civilized and safe society but a more lawless and uncivilized society. The people are following the example set by the government and law enforcement and the courts. If the law is enforced by lawless lawmen(an oxymoron)who take it upon themselves to be judge and jury; lying (an uncivilized behavior pattern), and using cruel and unusual punishment methods(draconian and barbaric) that cause permanent incapacitation or death then the people will take that as an example and do the same. This must truly confound social scientists which I don't understand considering that the results of their social manipulations in the U.S. have lead to more lawlessness not less. A compromise between true peaceful civilization and a draconian nation is only a step towards a draconian civilization. If it is a draconian society the people want then the people will do what they have to do to get draconian. Problem is I keep hearing that that is not what the people want. Unfortunately unless people change there minds and stop blindly following their instincts feelings or the beliefs of the educated who are leading the masses to de-civilization through their willing and blind lackeys who put on a uniform, badge, and gun and say it is the law because I say it is the law, Not their call, never the less it will be a poverty enslaved nation that they receive and it will be a nation of their choosing.

In a short answer to why we have more crime. Cops are moving America to de-civilization by their uncivilized behavior. And the general American Public are willingly following being led by the blindness of cops narrow views. The American Public is indeed the blind following the blind.

Civilization is in the hearts and minds of the people and what is Truly in the hearts and minds of the people they will do.

You may note that I am not giving you any ideas on how to improve the situation. Previously I was obsessive about civilization remaining civilized. I am now cheering on the onset of de-civilisation and am now not interested in helping anyone figure out how to avoid it.

Yet I have a story.

There is a bridge over a chasm and on the bridge were all the people. It was hot and when the people looked on the up-river side of the bridge the water was smooth and gentle. the water is calling out to the people to jump in and cool off. Take a drink I will quench your thirst. there is no way off of the bridge the people knew so some so thirsty and hot jumped in thinking that they would be well. That they could not see for did not look on the other side of the bridge the water was a raging boiling rapid. for under the bridge unbeknown to the people on the bridge their was a tall water fall. The people who jumped in were swept over the fall and were now caught and screaming for help. Yet the people on the bridge were wise and stood there only able to watch in horror exclaiming oh my don't jump off into the water for you will surely drown.
The years and the decades passed and and soon it was a century but before the second century was past and With each new generation in spite of the warnings of the previous generation some jumped in the water And the people could only say we cannot save them only say do do what they do or you will die.

All was well until one day a terrible disease came to the people of the bridge and many of their children were born blind Yet not all the children were blind. Yet the people of the bridge did not fail to warn their new children of the raging water and not to jump in. It was still hot. The people were thirsty but there was no way to receive water from the river. They could only drink what fell from Heaven. Yet the blind ones began to complain and they began to clamor that their thirst was unbearable. Then a second plague came along and made many of the people deaf Yet not all the people were made deaf. Soon children were being born some deaf and some blind and some deaf and blind Yet not all the people were born blind or deaf or blind and deaf. The deaf but not blind could see the gentle water. The blind but not deaf could hear the roaring rapids. The blind and deaf could only smell the sweet scent of water. So the deaf and the deaf and blind began to argue with the blind and those who could hear and see that they should jump in the water and cool off and drink till their fill for those who could see and hear and the blind must surely be crazy. Their was no roiling water down there. Soon they began to war and it was a terrible war many were killed but that was not the worst for the deaf who could see and the blind who could hear began to jump into the water but not all would jump. Immediately they began to scream for help and those who could see hear and the deaf who could see ran to the other side of the bridge and to their horror they could see and hear that the people who had jumped were going to die. Try as they might no matter what they thought they could not find a way to save the people who had jumped into the bridge. The people felt bad and the people felt guilty and the people felt sad and the people felt afraid and the people felt they had failed. So the people who thought if we make life guards who can see and hear and teach them how to swim up here on the bridge they will be strong and brave and jump in the water and swim and save the people who are dieing. so the people did make of themselves lifeguards and gave unto them the power also to keep people from jumping in but also the authority to save if they failed to save them from jumping. But the deaf and blind were too numerous and the lifeguards could not stem the tide of the foolish jumping in the river to get themselves from the heat. So the lifeguards bravely jumped in after the foolish and though they were strong swimmers many were not strong enough and many lifeguards were lost. And though they were brave soon nearly all of the lifeguards were lost but a few were wise and did not jump in the river and they lived.
And just when it was worst another plague struck. and this plague was the worst of all for it mad the children dumb but not all were made dumb. Now there were children being born who were deaf dumb blind and deaf and dumb and blind and deaf dumb and deaf blind and dumb blind but not all were afflicted but the number of those who could see and here and tell were dwindling dwindling dwindling. Soon though those who could see and hear and tell turned from the horror of the screams and refused to tell. some who could see and here and tell gave up hope and jumped in the river yet they uttered not a sound.

And all that was left alive were but a remnant of people who could stand the heat and they drank of the water from Heaven and thanked God for his loving kindness and mercy.
And they lived to tell the story of remembrance until one day angels from above came down and lifted them up to Heaven.
And they drank the water from Heaven and thirsted no more nor did they feel the sun upon their head yet their was light that shown everywhere and they thanked God for his loving kindness and mercy.
And Truly lived forever more.

No God, No civilization.

My wife is excused if she so desires to leave. But I will not excuse her following the cops example to de-civilization.

Lets do a little math

Over the last five years I have been trying to figure out what my wife has been spending money on.

One word comes to mind, and it is not alcohol. She doesn't drink. Dope.

If I got the numbers right there is about $20000.00 dollars unacounted for in our budget. You don't know how many times I have come home and thought my house smelled like an animal lived here.

Dope.

I think I will have the police come back here with their drug dog. If she has any on her I will gladly have her stupid ass thrown in jail.
Meth amphetamine or crack I bet.
5:52 AM

Ok I was restless last night so I went down to the local gas station and started talking to the clerk there and she asked me if Karen was eating a lot of sweets? I said yeah she is bringing in bags of sweets and junk food and they're just vaporizing. I mean that she is consuming a lot of them. Fast. She said that the hard drugs make a person rave for sweets.

We talked some more and I told her about the incredible animal smell in my house last year. She said that was marijuana dipped in some other drug and they called it skunk. I also told her about the extraordinary ammonia smell we had sometimes. She said that was probably crack.

I told her I didn't have those smells in my house this year but that she was taking 3 and 4 hour trips. She said that she was probably going down to Perry Ga to pick up the drugs and then going over to a friends house and doing them. Letting herself come down a little before coming home and buying the junk food to satiate her now raving hunger.
And low and behold a Warner robins police officer walks in a so I said how about we ask this guy? So I did. I asked him what could I do if I suspected my wife of doing drugs.
"He said call the police cuz". He looked like he was kind of tired and tired of answering those kind of questions(they probably get asked them all the time). He shrugged his shoulder when I told him maybe get a a drug dog in there but then I remembered she probably doesn't have anything in the house since I just learned that she was probably doing them at someone Else's place.

It now makes a whole lot more sense about why she won't tell me where she is getting some money. She said I would just get mad at them. Also why the pathological lying. I wonder if she is being coerced or blackmailed. I bet she is. Whoops did I catch yas in the act.

Let's see now.........what would be her little conundrum if she borrowed money from a fellow drug addict or drug dealer or worse took some drugs from them on loan.

This is starting to get into the holy crap area. Is it delusional or just hopeful?

Again she told me

I didn't get my check this week.

I said why are you telling me this?

Should I believe her? NO!

She has now collected $2600.00 dollars and with no overhead except gas and food she does not have enough money to find another place to stay.

Again I ask. What is she doing with the money?????????????

Walmart is only 4 blocks away but today she spent 2 and 1/2 hours there getting 20 dollars worth of stuff.

NOT!

I will continue to not remit her sins.

DOPE!

I lost in a way

I told that liar to not make a lie in my household. If she did I was going to take the door off of her room so I could make sure that if she was on the phone or not. If she is talking she is trying to twist everything. She called the cops.

So here I am facing 4 cops( they must think I am public enemy NO 1 or as dangerous as they come or something)being told that in my own house I am not allowed to take off a door because it is criminal damage. "In my own house?", I said. They didn't whip out a code book but they said it was. Of course I got threatened if I didn't put it back on. So I did. Then as I was putting the door on one of the deputies said that blah blah "what do you think if I went in front of the judge" and said this and you said that(can't quite remember) who do you think he would believe. I stopped what I was doing and looked him right in the eye and said you can't put on that blue uniform and go throwing your weight around like that. He says it doesn't matter so I told him again I didn't care what the deal was he could not do that. To you men in blue you need to remember for sure one thing. God puts men in position of judgement and authority over peoples and cops are not sitting behind the bench. If God put the brother of former senator Sam Nun behind the bench and a cop twists the truth to get what he wants just because he THINKS he is right You might as well have done it in front of God. You need to ask yourself would you do that if the judge was God. You need to ask yourselves if you were in front of the throne of God which you might as well be would you say to God what he just said to me. If you said yes then you would definitely be a liar and GOD...HATES BEING LIED TO DIRECTLY. Want to be blessed by God, DON'T LIE TO HIM.
Jesus puts it this way "Have ye not heard ye are GODS"? Cops ain't God nor are the judges but you can bet your blue uniform that HE is right there with the judge. And I guarantee you he heard your lies and even if you ask him to forgive you which he will, the memory of your lie is going to remain with all the people that were there. And God who IS omniscient is going to be wondering "Why are all these people remembering this this way but the ruling went that way"He will tweak you to see if you indeed did lie and guess what. Trouble, trouble, trouble. You ever wonder why some of your cop friens have nothing but trouble. Lieing to God right there in the court room.
The man hung his head and walked away but funny thing he goes over to the liar and says"is he always like this"?
She said yes. For the whole 6 years? She said yes.
Eventually I was able to describe the reason for our problems and some of the guys suddenly began to see a picture that was not what they thought they were going to find when they got here. They cut me some slack and one agreed He would be mad too if the same thing was happening. Of course maybe he was playing the part of the empathizer. Never the less I grant him sincerity. He had no mask. That is very good. The kind of guy that needs no mask to hide the bullshit of his life. Unlike the one who took the lead. And the two goats who first walked into my house. They have an agenda. Doesn't matter what they say I will not remit their sins. In other words the more they lie the more they will skank. Watch them. In a few months the filth will begin to show through their skin like dirt they can't wash off and they can also answer to God in that day of reckoning. I recomend in that day you answer that you were an unprofitable servant. Any other will just get God mad.
One of them told me that under the circumstances I might be able to have her evicted. WOW! If only I could. I want her out of here. I am not going to compromise with a pathological liar. That is complete mud. I am not going to compromise with a person who is morally bankrupt either.

In a way I won. I did not get arrested even though I was petulant. And the officers told her it was time for her to get out. And told her to leave me alone. YAYA! I cut my phone off and I am waiting for her to cancel her Internet so I can get my own.




I will not remit her sins. She can explain this all to God in that day.

I will not be living in this town much longer and I will be dusting my shoes off at the gates. Maybe I won't but you better hope I do because if I don't that means I will be reserving the right to tell the rest of the world why Middle Ga is a bad investment for the rest of my life. To understand what I am saying you need to read in the Gospel where it says what happens to a city when a servant of God does that. Not Good I assure you. No amount of praying will save this area in that day if I decide to condemn in that way. Or like I said I could just tell my contacts this is a bad place to be.

Any way the real reason I opened up a new entry is because when I have some trouble I take my bible open it and ask god for a word. the very first thing my eye fell upon was:


Jer 5:26 For among my people are found wicked men: they lay wait, as he that setteth snares; they set a trap, they catch men.
Jer 5:27 As a cage is full of birds, so are their houses full of deceit: therefore they are become great, and waxen rich.
Jer 5:28 They are waxen fat, they shine: yea, they overpass the deeds of the wicked: they judge not the cause, the cause of the fatherless, yet they prosper; and the right of the needy do they not judge.
Jer 5:29 Shall I not visit for these things? saith the LORD: shall not my soul be avenged on such a nation as this?

Confirmation

This morning I heard my wife on the telephone saying "$81.00. No I won't get my check until Saturday".

Right now I am unemployed(thanks to her) and our household is(was) dependant upon her check but she saw fit to change the address or way that she is receiving her check and then told me that she wasn't getting a check. Boldly she told me this. She has carried this lie on for more than a month.

I turned into a ranting maniac.

This event coupled with her seeking section 8 housing tells me that she has been prepping her escape. She also told me that she prayed that she did not want our marriage to end. She wanted our marriage to be. You know,? If you tell God you want your marriage and then go out and prepare for the opposite what do you think God is going to do to you for lying to him? He will drive you out and away from him....

Her efforts are not equalling her mouth. She is saying one thing and doing another. I have yet to hear that she has committed to an affair but I am not waiting for pure evidence. Her lying to me is enough for me to run her off.

I told her she has two choices. Put her check in my hand(fat chance)and call it rent or use it to get another place to live. If she does none of these things I will cease to pay house and lot and wait till the eviction notice comes and drive her out that way.

Won't hurt my credit (don't ask why it is just the way God set me up in this place) and I will be rid of a dangerous woman.
Why would I say she is a dangerous woman? Because she has torn down her house. Because of the way that she has acted she has literally tried to put us out in the street. Worse. She has tried to provide for herself a safety net and put just me on the street.

That is soooo evil as to literally try and kill me. Imagine if I was made to retire to my car without airconditioningI(it has been in the 100'sF hear in middle GA) with no reliable place to get relief. I know....that is the extreme yet it is the lot she tried to set for me. Her behavior is murderous. She murdered our marriage and now she was trying to jump a ship that wasn't sinking all the while screaming(metaphorically)that it was, convincing others that it was, and they in turn were jumping into the cold deep to their deaths(metaphorically), trying to cover the tracks she made in the process of her matricide.

For what it is worth I had an out. I saw the inklings back in February. And set my own rescue net. One in tune with our co-goals. If I was right I wouldn't be left out in the heat. If I was wrong we would have even a stronger financial position. Much to my incredible dismay I was right.

She has got to go!

Since I chewed her butt this morning she has been out of the house since 10 am. I wonder where she went???

HMMMMM.

God is in control.

No man

Joh 10:17 Therefore doth my Father love me, because I lay down my life, that I might take it again.
Joh 10:18 No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have power to lay it down, and I have power to take it again. This commandment have I received of my Father.

Notice in these verses Jesus does not say that it was man's sin that killed him. If any preacher says that their sin's killed Jesus can their sins be forgiven them? I say that would be a blaspheme; a forgivable blaspheme but a blaspheme never the less. You would be self forgiving yourselves and You cannot save yourselves. If Jesus says that you could not have taken his life then how is it that your sins could have killed him as well?
They could not have.

The very next principle I am about to speak goes totally against what all preachers have been preaching today that I have ever heard, but there can be no other answer. Nowhere in the word do I read that God is in partial control, therefore he is in total control or in no control. Which is it. There is no in between.

If your God is in partial control then your God is not God.

My God is in total control period.

THIS IS THE PRINCIPLE:

God hates an unbalanced scale yet He unbalanced the scale by causing Adam to sin. HE killed men by laying the ground work. HE then proceeded to make men sin thereafter. HE caused it therefore only he could rebalance the scale. The only way that it could be done is if HE killed himself. AT that moment of his death HE then proclaimed our forgiveness. We are not at fault. We are really not at fault. There is only one little catch. We have to accept his forgiveness. Only He can cause a man to accept his forgiveness. Only God can show any man the Son. Only the Father can make you realize the the only door to the Kingdom of Heaven is through Jesus. Then from there Jesus reveals who the Father really is.

There is nothing done in Heaven or earth that God the Father has not caused.

This does not mean to blame the Father. To this I say DON'T. God will just make your life harder. Do the opposite . Worship him more. Of all the things that you should realize the one thing I believe that you should know more than anything else. In the times of trouble Praise the most High and thank Him for your troubles that they are brought to you for the purpose of purging you of unrighteousness that you may have the thing that your heart,your deepest most inner self, truly desires. A friend in the most high God who is ever faithful to you. No man or woman can give you the faithful relationship that you want but God. He is your friend whether you want him to be or not and this is also not your call. It is up to god and all things have been foreordained. Kind of Calvinistic don't you think. Maybe so but I have come to these conclusions before I ever knew anything about John Calvin.

He has been my friend; though I tried to run from him he has pursued me and stayed with me; though I ran as far as a man can run from God I could not get away from him. There was a short period in my life better than ten years ago where I said; in spite of being raised in the church' that "there is no God". That is as far away from God as you can get. And to the atheist who may read this; I do understand where you are coming from. There was no more hard core concretist than me. What I saw in front of my face was what was real. Everything else was in question or did not exist. Not that I ever said this to anyone but inside I was adamant. There was an explanation for everything. I am still right about this but a whole lot of the explanations are unexplainable. They become unprovable and not falsifiable. In other words can't be tested in laboratory conditions.

To be continued...........................

Today's update

She left out of here at 10:35 AM. At 11:05AM Jolie Marten her hair dressor calls and says she missed her 10:30 appointment. I told her she left already. She said that she was "probably running late" I said nope she should already be there. "I don't know where she is at" and that you (Mrs Martin) probably know our situation and that I didn't want to know where she was going, only that I was glad that she was getting her lying butt out of my house.

Planning

I could or should make this a long write about the strange behavior my wife began exhibiting and when they began but I am not.

We are not communicating for good reason, but I caught a glimpse of her putting a new key on her key ring. Looks like she has a new apartment already. Good. The sooner she gets out of here the better. If she is talking about something that she is doing she is lying. In the last week what few sentences we have spoken to each other she has told a multitude of confirmed(I confronted her about the truth of what she was saying) lies.

She doesn't realize that her countenance changes the tone in her voice changes her physical attitude changes. In fact all men's attitude changes depending in which spirit or vernacular they are speaking.

I have tried to tell her this but she just keeps right on lying.

On the one hand I have found her a great source of confirmation and inspiration for many of the vitriolic articles I have written over the last 5 years concerning lies and liars. However I can no longer stomach the filth that a liar living in my own household brings in.
I have tossed her plenty of pearls but she has constantly and consistently trampled on them.
I can only draw one conclusion.
I am living with an animal and this animal does not intend to put off the worldly behavior to become a person instead she intends to continue to seek out enablement. She says she wants to improve but that is just for show. She really just wants to be enabled so that she can continue her bad behavior.
Not happening in my house. I was not raised up to be an enabler. For over 7 years I worked in a county nursing facility in which about 1/2 of the residents were actually psych patients from an old nut bin. The training was to not enable their current psychosis. By the way that also means I will not convenience societies current psychosis either.

Now to me. I have had to look myself in the mirror carefully and ask myself why in the hell am I attracting only the nut burgers.

As I said before I figured it out and because of this I have decided that there can not be any more relationships for me. When she leaves I should also take the cue and move as well as changing my phone number. I am sucker when it comes to taking a woman back and this one would probably seek me out. I want to cut off that possibility so that when and or if she tries to come back she won't be able to readily find me.

She has already been to one of our pastors seeking some kind of help. She asked me if I would go to see him. I have to honestly consider this and am; but my inclination is to also leave this church for another so that my decision can not be influenced by the second guessing of others who do not know the whole story.

Have I been angry about the duplicitous behavior of my wife? Of course. Who wouldn't be? I just refuse to have it constantly in my face anymore. I am not as a rule an angry man and constant anger over societies duplicitousness is more than enough for me to handle. I also do not want to have to deal with it in my own home. I need to find rest, peace, and solitude like any other human. A place to recharge the batteries for my shields so to speak, but to come home to a wife who forces me to try and maintain bearing under the stress of the lies that she is constantly offering up?.... no one man can tolerate such a situation.

If my wife were an example of America then America is in deep s**t. America has become bi-polar.

Discredited

Parable about low living:

If they discredit someone of low means they discredit themselves.

Explanation:

If people of high means go about the expense of discrediting someone of a lowly life then they spend monies they cannot justify therefore bringing into question the trust that the public previously found in them without which they would not be living the high means they currently live.

In other words if they purposely seek to destroy a bum they destroy themselves. For who would invest money into some one or group who so foolishly spends money.

Another HMMM.

In a moment of uncontrolled curiosity this morning at about 10 AM I asked my wife where she was going so all dressed up.

She says "I am going to a bible study they have at the church in the morning".

It dawns on me at 11:30 AM did I see her carrying her BIBLE out the door with her?

So I went into her bedroom and lo and behold there it is. Her bible. NOPE she is not at a bible study.

HMMMMMM.

Little more news.

She takes a shower habitually. In the last two days she has taken none. She is taking a shower somewhere else.

Another tidbit to go HMMMM over.

It is a done deed

Saturday during the confrontation about her constant lying it became very clear to me she would never change. I told her in no uncertain terms to get out. I cannot abide lies lying or liars in my house. Out there in the world I do not truly hold it against non-Christians, but a woman who is supposed to be smitten with love of God and Jesus. No way can I accept a lying christian. She will be staying here until she has another place but I have relegated her to one of our spare bedrooms...........

I left her no options.

I may be off line or sporadic about my blog for a while.

Thanks to the people who visit my site regularly.

Don't worry about me too much and the only prayers I want are ones of peace of heart and peace of mind.

God is in total control

I interrupt this program for some late breaking news

I have made up my mind.

Yesterday my wife went out grocery shopping with what she said was just 20 dollars. 3 hours later she comes home with a cat ate the canary look on her face. Guilt.

She says I thought I only had 20 but there was two more stuck to it. I had 60. That old familiar feeling that she was lying her ass off came to me immediately.

I did not say anything. I just unloaded the car. 5-10 minutes later she says I have to tell you the truth. I applied for food stamps last month and I got them. I had 155 on my card.

She is hiding more and a lot worse as far as our marriage is concerned.

I cannot take this.

Come Monday I am taking steps beginning with renewal of my car tag, and the hunt for another place to stay, storage shed shutting off my phone ect.. I am also going out to find a new job.

I got to get away from someone who lies like a child of Satin. She is some kind of devils angel.

Football

Game 6: to be edited

'First editing complete'

Duluth Central Trojans: Matched up with us nearly in size but for the rest, no way. Not in speed or strength. They made up for the lack of these by playing more concervative and nearly mistake free ball, where as we kind of hung it all out, taking risks and calculated risks. The snap crack hitting wasn't there but the execution was. I didn't keep the clippings from this game or I lost them, and what ever memory I have of this game is minimal.

I got in 6-8 tackles and I think this was the 2nd and final wuss game. In other words no contact hard enough for me to see sparks flying.

We scored one touchdown in each half but I am not so sure about that. I do remember coach being totally pissed in the locker room at half time. Not at the Defense. They had like 0 first downs against us, but at the offense for not kickin some butt on the field.

There was no play in that game that stands out in my mind at all. I wish there was but not all games are epic struggles. Maybe that is the real story here. In football you have to win the humdrum as well as the meaningful. If you don't you can't call yourselves champions.

Each and every week you have to prepare yourselves to play as hard as you can.

One of the things that kept me going after God was I didn't want to let my teammates down by doing something stupid that would cost us. So I studied and pressed myself in practice. Focusing on my own performance.
When it came time for drills I pushed myself with all my might trying to run harder get up faster and keep going no matter how bad I felt, and this game with Central was no different to me than playing against a Harding or Shanley or the upcoming game against Moorehead. To me there is no taking anything for granted. Not this week or next. Because of God I had gotten it and I intended to keep it. I wasn't going to let anyone down.
I tried to hit as hard and clean in practice evaluating and reevaluating my every move never being satisfied with the last play. Always trying to outdo my self next time. It was paying off. Come game time I wasn't thinking about what I was supposed to do.

The form had become apart of me.
I went where I was supposed to be,
Adapted to the flow of the game instinctively,
Checking off on key's and reacting naturally.
In position and stances to deliver hits automatically.

I was just doing.

Now that I think of it I do have an example of one play that nearly every team ran. Off tackle. Almost every team had some variation. Most of the time the tight end would block down on the D-Tackle and the running backs would try to take the D-End outside. It was my favorite play to defend against. I didn't have to do much except roll shoulders left then right with the effect of deflecting blockers charging at me and leaving me in a near perfect stance low and coming up hitting the runner in the midriff just above the belt lifting him up and driving him straight down into the ground.

I got about 3 of those type of tackles in this game. I think that coaches from other teams saw the data on my physical size and thought they were going to run over me. I know they were looking at our game films just like we were looking at their previous weeks game stuff. In those kinds of fur balls it was extremely difficult to see that I was shedding the blockers. I think they thought that the teams we were playing were pansies. I could hear opposing coaches screaming BLOCK!!! No matter how low a blocker got I went lower; dredging the grass with my face mask if I had to, enabling me to deflect the blockers effort. The minor deflection coupled with the blockers speed and mass turned what should have been a crushing hit into a vector change past me from which there was no recovery, leaving me free to engage the next obstacle or to prepare for the oncoming runner. All of these things happen so fast but the Angel of the Lord was with me and everything was in slow motion. I was extremely fit and very strong but there is no other explanation for a 163 pound defensive end scraping off blocks from kids who outweighed me or me taking down a 190# running back effortlessly and consistently through out the year. At least half of the tackles I had so far were of this particular type. CRACK,CRACK,POP!!! Straight on, heads up bashes with the running backs ending up flat on there backs stripped of their blockers with stunned astonishment dominating thir face, blockers getting up off of the ground in embarrassed defeat walking back to their huddle trying to regain their composure. The play over in 2 seconds flat.

I never gloated about this but my mind never failed to take a snapshot. I prayed consistently that I not get proud. The Holy Spirit reminded me constantly not to think or do proud. I just did. I returned to the huddle as if nothing happened already prepping myself mentally for some more smashing. Not nervous. Not frightened. Not evil. Just fury waiting to be unleashed at the next snap of the ball.

I am still fury waiting to be unleashed at the next snap of the ball.

They called me an enigma. I call me prepared.

We won this one 14-0. Our Defense totally stifled The Trojans. They accomplished 2 first downs the whole game. We were well on our way and setting new bars. Standards that if you achieved you could say you were good.

The Superior Evening Telegram sports headlines read; Seniors defense is so good that the offense can take a night off. We picked on the offense over that one.

One more down the road and I gave thanks to God.

Football

Game Seven:

Minnesota Moorehead. School mascot? A potato. That's right I said "a potato". They called themselves the Spuds. Nick for a potato.

Don't be fooled. We had long since stopped making fun of that. It probably made them play harder and they were the hardest hitting team we played year in and year out. They were the only team that could play that kind of ball with us.
I got an honorable mention from coach for this game but Warren Williams earned D-player.

We won 11-0 but the coach says he was just protecting the lead and I believe it as our offensive plays were very conservative in nature. The play of note for me came on one of our second half punts.

I was the right release man for punt team and for those who do not know what that is, it is the release mans job to get down field and tackle the oppositions receiver. The Moorehead player responsible for holding me up had been doing a great job on me and I was having no success at all.
The ball was snapped, and as usual this game I was delayed at the line of scrimmage and after escaping this block I of course took off after the ball only too see a second Spud drawing a bead on me. I was sick of having this trouble and at about 10 yards from him I accelerated and lowered my head. We slammed together with this incredible explosion of noise, the kind of hit where you blank out for a second and you see stars. I glanced off and kept going getting close to the ball carrier but he was taken down before I got there.

My eyes became blurry and I became aware of the excruciating pain in my nose. A moment later my lips hurt as well and my helmet was loose. I checked the straps to make sure they were still on. Then I tasted it. The salt oily flavor of blood. I stuck my padded hand up to my face and sure enough I was bleeding from my nose and lips . My ears were ringing from the noise of the contact and I....was....mad. I played on getting 6 or 7 total tackles that game. I knew I had contributed but I was not really satisfied with my performance. Forget that we were playing our number one rival. I wanted to do much better than that. But they were a great team and this was only the second time in our school history we had beaten them which was a good achievement.

It took me all week after the game to figure out why my helmet fit was so sloppy . The hit was so violent that it had spread the face guard out slamming it back into my face with enough force to crack bone. Now to give you an idea how tough a face guard is, it is made out of 3\8 inch plastic coated stainless steel welded together in a grid depending on how much protection you want from 1 bar across the face at about lip level to mine which was the strongest at 3 bars across, reinforced with one down the middle. This sucker was mashed out at least one inch wider than before the hit. I replaced the face guard.

It takes a lot to impress me but this little event impressed me. It made me realize that I was hitting very hard. Also broke my nose. Pretty cool.

As for the game it was just one more down the road for us. Not a win to be taken lightly but we had our eyes on another prize.

At the end of the game I gave thanks to God

Football

Game eight:

You will have to wait while I dig in my meager archives for this one so bear with for a minute.

Ok according to the news paper it was one sided.
It should be mentioned but I think if I remember right we beat the 'wot' out of EauClaire Memorial 38-8. Not much for me to say but they did have this gargantuan half back, but because they were so one dimensional as a team it was incredibly boring for me. Same guy up the middle for no gain all game. I pretty much was kind of hanging out over on the left side sort of watching the game from the best possible position. 15 feet away from the main action. It was like a bunch of big galoots wrastling in the middle of the field. Their problem was they were running smack into the very strongest part of our Defense. John, Larry, and Warren weighed in at an aggregate 680 lbs, benched over 1000, and squatted a total of something like 1500 lbs.. Mr McMillan was not going anywhere that way.

I think they got 2 first downs all game while our offense and special teams ran all over them.

I did get 2 complimentary assists(I put my toung in my cheek).

I do specifically remember the efforts. I got so bored sitting out there on the right side that I got a little idea. Me and Timmy Larson were kind of joking around about the game so I said to him. Watch this I am going in side and take a shot at him. You see the way they lined up was in the old famous and ancient power I formation. Where you stack all the backs one behind the other with your best athelete the furthest back. In this formation the main play is everyone charging in to the middle of the line with the idea of just bulling through. The primary running back is 10 yard off the line of scrimmage. Long way to run. I needed to take a shot at him.....I did......I cranked off at full bore and speared his left upper thigh as hard as I possibly could have..........and promptly bounced right off of that massive kids leg.
Ok. I'm gonna do this again......Same thing.....the only results I got was a momentary delay in his progress which led to him getting tackled for a loss instead of making it to the line of scrimmage.
I liked to hit but I also liked getting results. I quit that little deal there. I was getting my bell rung for nuthing practically anyway.

At the end of the game I gave thanks to God.

Coat or naked before God

Joh 15:22 If I had not come and spoken unto them, they had not had sin: but now they have no cloak for their sin.

How do you take a spiritual coat or cloak away from someone and what manner of person would do such a thing to someone.

Jesus did it all the time by telling men of there sin. Their unrepentance was the cause of them loosing there coat. by the way unrepentance means that they did not change there minds. They were still seeking his death instead of thanking God for sending Jesus to warn them of there eronneous ways.

My wifes unrepentance in the matter she is about to partake in is the reason she has no coat.

God's will

I have said this before here that all men are serving God's will, and that God's will is what is done and there is no other way. If man had his choice there is no way that he would go through the calamity of the tribulation. NO Way!

Unfortunately everything that is done leads to the tribulation for men and eventually Judgement day 1000 years from now. Mankind does not have a choice in this.

If mankind does not have a choice then it is God's will. The open question is.....in serving God's will are you serving God or in serving God's will are you seeking after yourself and the untruth that is of this world? That is a sin.

The lessor of two evils

Men should not chose between the lessor of two evils.

Men should chose between the greater of two goods..........

For example:

It is good to stay married. It is better to let your marriage go to have a closer relationship with God.

Unequally Yoked

I have forced the issue.

I usually don't like to bother people if I think they may be trying to decide an issue that I wouldn't approve of or would be detrimental to my own personal goals. It is the one little secret of wisdom to lasting longer.
It is anomalous to the idea of attacking the ball so to speak. But in the case of my marriage I realized that this up in the air thing was too much.

My wife has been confused and that confusion tries to spill over to me. I like a clear concise thought not confusion. I am not afraid to tell people if they are incorrect. I am afraid of not telling them. I want people to be able to make truthful and honest choices not grayed out choices. It lends to clear air and clean clear life based on rock solid data. My wife is the opposite and a microcosm of what is incorrect with this nation as a whole. In an effort to be nice this country has erroneously picked lying over the truth, muddying up the water of making good decisions.

In light of this I told my wife I could not live in a situation where I can't but help feel or wonder when the other shoe will drop. I have lived like this for 6 years and it is too much for me. It tries me, draws me away from God. I will sacrifice all to stay near to God. My personal 1 on 1 relationship with God is the most important thing on earth to me. No one person or thing will supplant God in my life. I would rather die than not be close to him. It is impossible for me not to talk about him and His Kingdom and His Goodness and His Judgement and His Plans that I know of. I desire it, long for it, feed on it. It is the only thing in my life where I even begin to feel truly alive. I live by the word and if need be I shall die by the word.

Sound familiar? In the word it is written this way.


Rev 19:21 And the remnant were slain with the sword of him that sat upon the horse, which sword proceeded out of his mouth: and all the fowls were filled with their flesh.


Rev 19:15 And out of his mouth goeth a sharp sword, that with it he should smite the nations: and he shall rule them with a rod of iron: and he treadeth the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God.


Mat 4:4 But he answered and said, It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.

I live and die by God's word. I 'do' live at God's behest and I shall die at God's behest. And there is no other course for me. I serve him at his leisure and not what anyone else thinks or says. NOT WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS OR SAYS, OR FEELS IN THERE COMPROMISED, CORRUPTED HEARTS! NOBODIES!

I asked her when she is leaving. She has secretly applied to section 8 housing and has been going to secular counseling for her bi-polar disease. She can't decide between service to God and the materialistic world. The two are incompatible. You can have stuff but you can't worship or let your stuff become more important to you than God. My wife and her cares for the world drown out God in her life and those cares spill over on to me. I can't have that happening to me. I won't let that happen to me.

In this day and age where by my reckoning we have only 3 years and 5 months left until the big sweat; That is when I say the world can begin to sweat over when God's ball will drop and the tribulation begins, There is no more time to be working just for today. You have to start thinking about your eternities. Frittering your future away is not an option. My wife ruining our household finances just because she can't control her emotional need to get something is just steps away from that sort of frittering I am talking about. You can't go that way purposely or just because you can't control yourselves. You may have to fight to drop your love of things of this earth but I assure you it is a fight you can win because the almighty has given you all the power to win that victory and yet the victory and credit and Glory MUST be given to God. If you sin and forget to give God the credit I assure you that the Holy Spirit will remind you of the oversight. gently quietly and lovingly. But you must respond eventually to this one credo. God deserves the payment of the credit for any success that you have or think you have in your lives and you Must respond to his gentle urgings. You must if you want to have the closest possible relationship with him. You people keep yourselves away from God by doing any other thing.

The sound bite.

She's out and My Father reigns supreme in my life Jesus is supreme in me.

Time and time again over the last 30 years Jesus has proven to those around me; much to the chagrin of my friends, family, and acquaintances, Jesus; King of Kings and Lord of Lords, has won out. He wins by the love that I carry with me. He wins by the FACT that I do no evil. He wins by me seeking to do GOOD in this condemned world. He wins by me looking to do Good for a world that apparently has only death in mind for me. HE wins by me knowing that he is truly the only sole ruler of me. He becomes me. I do not become him and I surely do not become more like him. As good as I am or want to be I always am aware of how corrupt my flesh is and that there is no way that I, my person......body mind or sole.......is worthy of his presence yet he still in his grace makes his abode with me.......Jesus wins........The world cannot make me sorry. Though I be sorrowful; it is at the world's sin, and the very fact that of this world not all are chosen to enter in to the Kingdom of Heaven. I wish I could change it for all but I am unable to. It would be ludicrous to try to fight the Will of God in this matter anyway. I get the blessing of wanting this for all and the curse of knowing that it ends up being an unrequited want. You can say I am left wanting in this hope. It hurts........

Jesus wins.

Football

TO BE EDITED
1st editing complete
2nd editing complete

This should be a long story about my experience with High school football.

I suppose I should start with a finished entry but I think I will just start with an outline and expand on it later.

My experience.

What I learned.

How it helped me.

How I paid for it.

It was the 9th game of the season and we were 8 and 1 ranked 5th in the state and we needed to win the last game for a chance at the 4 team state playoff. We were in the top division for high schools in Wisconsin. Class A. 13th largest school by population, 2100 students in 10th, 11th, and 12 grades.
I was the starting right defensive end and had 63 tackles to my name at the start of the game. We were playing a team that had a 4 and 4 record so the game from outward appearances looked like we would win. The coach warned us that 2 weeks ago 4 of Eau Claire Norths key players had returned to playing status from injuries and they had just won against 3rd ranked Jainesville . Coach told us that this may not be as easy as it looked on paper.

As was my habit during the week before the game I studied my opponents carefully. Noting height and weights and statistics of each and every starter and any platooned player that both our offense and defense might face, consciously evaluating one on one match ups. From the details of the other team and watching film of their last weeks victory I decided that coach was right. These guys who had never had a winning season before; were now......at the end of this one, on top of the world, full of the hope that they could not be called total losers any more and hungry to eat another top ranked team in the state. I could sense it, almost feel it. They had something to prove to themselves and everyone else and they were determined to prove it.
The Wednesday before the game I was again studying the intel on the Huskies;
Johnnie (Randy Johnson) comes over and stands next to me; also looking at the board says after a couple of minutes, "we are going to beat them". I said yes but it is not going to be that easy. Not like the news was making it out to be.

Thursday afternoon we left for Eau Claire for an overnight stay so we would be fresh for the next days game . Friday afternoon we headed over to their school and checked in to the locker room. We had a couple of hours to kill before we had to get dressed up so we wandered around their gym area a little. What I saw was a weight lifting area that wasn't as good as ours, but had what looked like a lot of new equipment. I was impressed, with a twinge of oops, these guys must be more serious than they used to be.
We were a big team with lots of strength and a lot of speed for a bunch of white boys. The fastest. No other team in the state had the combination of speed and strength that we had. We were smart. We were well coached and drilled constantly in fundamentals and techniques of the game. In short we were good,the hardest hitting, with good morale and confidence in each other. Our coach was a master strategist and tactician and knew how to pay attention to details.

At the end of the first half the score was 0-0 and it was turning out to be as tuff as I suspected. Although we were knocking the stars out of them they weren't caving in mentally. They were staying in it and had out gained us offensively. They were executing their plays well, blocking well, and sticking to their responsibilities. Each one doing to our defense what they should do, hindering our players from getting to the ball until their key backs could get into the open field and use their outstanding ability to make tacklers miss and we were great tacklers. The only thing that did save us from being scored on was our outstanding team speed, pursuit and team tackling. We never quit until the whistle blew. Because of this we always had two or three guys around the ball carrier. Never the less they were popping loose for five and ten yard gains consistently. Something 8 previous teams failed to do.

We weren't frantic. We remained calm, determined, resolute. We weren't quitters. We did not give up. They were not going to beat us. But neither team was letting up. We couldn't . There was too much at stake for each of us.

The second half started out like the first battling back and fourth with the game still deadlocked at 0-0. We finally broke the ice with 2 or 3 minutes left in the 3rd quarter. Coach pulled a seldom used play out of the book and had Nielson throw a short out to our tight end Larry Banks who then rambled 63 yards through several tackles to the three yard line, where we gnarled it in one yard at a time. Three plays for 6 with Todd Florey smashing in from the 1/2 yd line. The PAT was blocked but we were up 6 to nuthin. The Huskies were demoralized temporarily and we were the champs at going for the kill. Now was the time to put this incredibly tenacious and honorable opponent down.

The ensuing kick off went well in that direction when their receiver bobbled the ball into the end zone barely escaping back out to the 3 yard line. This is where it went terribly wrong. As they came to the line of scrimmage I felt relieved mildly because there was no tight end over me. The boy was a tough blocker even though I was defeating his blocks, he just wasn't making it easy. It didn't dawn on me that their coach was about to pull his rabbit out of his hat.........The ball was snapped, and I watched as an apparent TO QB boot headed away from me to my left. Suddenly vwoooo, the guy broke past the line of scrimmage with a ton of blockers in front of him, and like that......there were five of us from the back side rocketing after Billy Sand catching him at the 45 yard line. We took it like men, we were not shaken and lined up as if they hadn't just broke the longest run against us that year. Same thing. No TE and no split.but I had not ascribed any significance to the missing players. The ball was snapped and the play again broke to the left. I stayed home until the ball crossed the line of scrimmage like I always did guarding against possible reverses, but this time I saw the breakaway developing. A thought so strong I could have sworn I said it out loud "they got through" I felt a tearing.......like the rip of lightening.......the fabric of time.....everything went quiet.......still.......peacefull.......calm.......time slowed down....the world around in slow motion. It's as if I was no longer treading earth. Next to me John Francouer was being driven backwards by the o-guard. I lept effortlessly over John like a gazelle, grace in motion on an intercept course with Tim Larson at my right. Tim was a 4.5, 40 yd dash, strong side DB; fast, and recognized as the hardest hitter on the team, but I was out striding him and pulling ahead. Tim, because of his inside position got to him first and I let him have the tackle dragging Billy down inside our 30.......time returned to normal. Two plays and better than 70 yards. In 1976 No-other team had even come close to that against our D, NO-ONE. I remember asking Dave Minor the left DE what was going on over there? Both Dave and Warren Williams our left DT said that they had two and three guys each on them. We freaked. They were running that unbalanced O-line we had practiced against and yet we spaced it. We had added a defensive shift just for the situation. I felt bad, I should have seen it but it wasn't just my fault, there were 10 other guys out there, three coaches on the sidelines and the coaches in the press box. We had been lulled....shenanged, and got burned for 70 yards.
We made the defensive adjustment but the best we got was making them pay for the next 20+ yards. Two first downs and 8 plays later they scored. We were able to return the favor and block their PAT but the game was now 6-6.

I was bone tired. The Huskies ran the wishbone, an offensive set that tries to rag the defense from sideline to sideline. They were executing it perfectly. I had about 10 tackles by this time and some of them were coming from the backside and down field. I had done a tremendous amount of running. In between plays I was shaking from the exertion. From somewhere inside of my heart a still small voice kept saying "keep going". I can only imagine that the rest of the guys felt the same way.
I was in pain. I had heard something pop in my head and I had a headache. I had taken a just right shot to the helmet and my neck was sore. I had a giant bruise on my left thigh and my left knee was now in pain from the same hit. My left shoulder was sore from a particularly brutal tackle.......one that I could not believe I had made. In fact when I hit the guy I thought he had slipped by me. This one I am going to describe because it would make any ones highlight reel any where at anytime. The play started with them 1st and ten on their 30 yard line heading north. Ball was on the my left hash mark so the wide side of the field was now my AO and they loved to run to the wide side, their goal was to do everything they could to stretch us out and they were doing it well. The next play they decided to run was a triple option designed Q-B boot with the half backs and a pulling guard out front. Their problem was they ran 10-12 yards deep behind the line of scrimmage and I had the speed to get to their point of attack before they did, and I did but took a blast from the running back that knocked my legs straight back and out from under me blowing me two yards off the line of scrimmage and flat on my face. I never took my eyes off of Billy Sand the Q-Back. He cut perfectly inside the block, but my world class reflexes snapped my legs up under me like a bull frog and I launched with both legs and all my might with perfect aim and timing hit him in the left thigh. My arms snapped around to tackle but they just swished through empty air. As I was going back down on my face I remember saying:"not again", out loud , and then a moment after I hit the ground I also said; out loud; '"man that hurt", then the whistle blew, to which I also said; "good somebody else got him, thinking that at least I had slowed him or turned him into some one else. I laid there for a moment in agony as did the guy who had blocked me. I dragged myself up and looked over at the QB who was still on the ground(also slow to get up) all by himself and I asked Jimmy Larson on the way back to the huddle who "tackled him"? He said "you did". Non-plussed I said"yeah but he got five more yards".
The next Monday we watched the last film of the last game of the year and when we got to that play the coach reran it couple of times. When I hit him it propelled him up in the air about 8 or 10 feet with his legs spread but perpendicular to his body. His body parallel to the ground and his head towards his teams sideline or west. He spun two complete rotations before he almost landed on his feet 5 yards down field then collapsed. He was slow getting up. I think that play just about killed the half, me, and the QB. 'Man that hurt'. 'Man that hurt'.

But by God I kept going. I prayed constantly that God would not let me get proud or profane. I was confident in God. I believed. I said so out loud to Kelleher and Carry as I headed back onto the field from a flying missed tackle. Though I didn't get the tackle it caused the runner to stop cold in order to dodge me and Dave Minor coming hard from the guys rear creamed him. Jim Kelleher says "way to go Erks". I said"we are going to beat these guys".

We played on that , I know we weren't playing for overtime and neither were they. Both teams were out to win.

We didn't make it, the two teams continued the vicious fight till the final gun sounded and it was into overtime.

Overtime in Wisconsin in those days was 4 downs from the ten yard line each, until one scored more than the other. If it remained a tie then the series of downs were repeated 3 times until one came out ahead. If none came out ahead then the game was declared a tie.

We got a 20 minute break before the start of OT. I forget who won the toss but I know that we started on offense first. Our first play from the line of scrimmage was like the trouble we had been having this game........no gain. Again coach pulls another play we seldom used. A ten yard pass over the middle to Todd Florey. Nielson threw it high but Todd had an outstanding vertical leap. He snatched the ball and scored. Pand-o-monium for us. Coach Hoff did not want to risk a field goal and also wanted to put the pressure on the Huskies. He went for two. Same identical play. Todd jumps for it and again nabs it for 2 more.

The pressure was now on Eau Claire. I told the left DE Dave Minor that it was "up to him and me because you know they are coming at us".


1st down: North runs play up the middle and gains 1 yard to the 9.

2nd down: The ball snaps and just like I had seen 20 other times in this game the QB fakes to the right half back. Key. I burst inside heading at him as hard as I could determined to knock the snot out of him and make him dump the ball off before he was ready. Focused so hard that I can still count the number of steps I took. When Billy Sand turned around to check off on me I was already in his face....He pitched the ball without even looking for his back. He threw the ball 3 yards behind Dave Runnings and the ball kept going all the way back to the 22 yard line. I scrambled after it and had my hands on it but lost the struggle for the wayward oblong. It was still good though, it cost them 12 yards. Got the bobble credited to me and the tackle for a huge loss.

3rd down: Billy dropped back and connected over the middle and got the 12 back, tackled by our safety Larry Smith and ?????.

4th down: They pulled the TO QB boot right. Dave Minor didn't fool around with it this time. He pulled that white boy speed out of his @$$ and hauled the runner down from behind for a 3 yd loss.


Game over. We won.

Often in the course of a sports year the two best teams face each each other before the final and big game. That the real championship game is invariably played earlier in the season may be occurring much more that we realize. I think this was so this day. For in my opinion I believe this was the best game of that year in the State of Wisconsin. Just another one of those things that I can not really know for sure.................


When the game ended I looked for Billy Sand. I didn't find him. I am not sure exactly what I would have said to him but I definitely thought that I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to congratulate him personally and tell him what a great team North was. They were good....very good. Better-n-the one team that beat us.

I ended up with about 14 tackles, I missed another 6, co- defensive player of the game with Dave Minor, whiplash, a minor stroke, massive bruises and memories to last a life time. And the greatest memory of what it feels like to play with champions because that is what we were and to this day, come what may I maintain still are.

At the end of the game I gave thanks to God.

At this end of this season I gave thanks unto God and I am still giving thanks unto my Lord.

We didn't make the playoffs because the WIAA(Wisconsin Interscholastic Athletic Association)judges down at state screwed up the math and by the time they got it straightened out playoffs were over but the University of Wisconsin's football scouting crews who rated the HS football teams every year independent of the WIAA gave us their number one rank. I guess that is consolation. We will never know. I am convinced that we would have probably won the championship but there is an aside.

I was suffering from some very bad and painful injuries and I would not tell anyone I was hurt, It surely would have killed me.


God is in control......................................................