Thursday, August 16, 2007

Planning

I could or should make this a long write about the strange behavior my wife began exhibiting and when they began but I am not.

We are not communicating for good reason, but I caught a glimpse of her putting a new key on her key ring. Looks like she has a new apartment already. Good. The sooner she gets out of here the better. If she is talking about something that she is doing she is lying. In the last week what few sentences we have spoken to each other she has told a multitude of confirmed(I confronted her about the truth of what she was saying) lies.

She doesn't realize that her countenance changes the tone in her voice changes her physical attitude changes. In fact all men's attitude changes depending in which spirit or vernacular they are speaking.

I have tried to tell her this but she just keeps right on lying.

On the one hand I have found her a great source of confirmation and inspiration for many of the vitriolic articles I have written over the last 5 years concerning lies and liars. However I can no longer stomach the filth that a liar living in my own household brings in.
I have tossed her plenty of pearls but she has constantly and consistently trampled on them.
I can only draw one conclusion.
I am living with an animal and this animal does not intend to put off the worldly behavior to become a person instead she intends to continue to seek out enablement. She says she wants to improve but that is just for show. She really just wants to be enabled so that she can continue her bad behavior.
Not happening in my house. I was not raised up to be an enabler. For over 7 years I worked in a county nursing facility in which about 1/2 of the residents were actually psych patients from an old nut bin. The training was to not enable their current psychosis. By the way that also means I will not convenience societies current psychosis either.

Now to me. I have had to look myself in the mirror carefully and ask myself why in the hell am I attracting only the nut burgers.

As I said before I figured it out and because of this I have decided that there can not be any more relationships for me. When she leaves I should also take the cue and move as well as changing my phone number. I am sucker when it comes to taking a woman back and this one would probably seek me out. I want to cut off that possibility so that when and or if she tries to come back she won't be able to readily find me.

She has already been to one of our pastors seeking some kind of help. She asked me if I would go to see him. I have to honestly consider this and am; but my inclination is to also leave this church for another so that my decision can not be influenced by the second guessing of others who do not know the whole story.

Have I been angry about the duplicitous behavior of my wife? Of course. Who wouldn't be? I just refuse to have it constantly in my face anymore. I am not as a rule an angry man and constant anger over societies duplicitousness is more than enough for me to handle. I also do not want to have to deal with it in my own home. I need to find rest, peace, and solitude like any other human. A place to recharge the batteries for my shields so to speak, but to come home to a wife who forces me to try and maintain bearing under the stress of the lies that she is constantly offering up?.... no one man can tolerate such a situation.

If my wife were an example of America then America is in deep s**t. America has become bi-polar.

2 comments:

T. F. Stern said...

Sorry you're having to go through troubling times. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Somehow you will come out of this on top.

Anonymous said...

Thanks. God is in control. I confess that I do not know the inner workings of God's plan but I am not worried.